Where Do You Find The Time?

Here's a riddle: What's one thing that never ends, yet you can never have enough of? It's probably one of our most valuable treasures in life.

I had heard a phrase once that went something like "We all have the same 24 hours, but it's how you use it that matters." And I thought, well that isn't fair. I'm a single mom, working 40+ hours a week with two kids, my 24 hours is completely booked with essential items like working, cooking, raising kids; there's no wiggle room. As a single parent, people always ask me "How do you find the time to do it all?" I cook, I clean, I shop, I drop off, I pick up, I work, I run errands, I do it all on a full time working single parent schedule. So, how? Where do you find the time?

My full day consists of a drastically different 24 hours than, say, someone who has no job and no kids. Or, better yet, what about a person that works 2 and 3 jobs at a time to make ends meet, and has multiple children at home? And here I think my 24 hours are tight.. Yet, there are people out there who will hire others to do their shopping and clean their homes for them, and even THEY still say they don't have enough time.

There's no big secret to it, so if you're holding your breath, you can let it out now. Over the years, I've come to understand that it's not a shortage of time, but rather a dedication to the time I have. I started paying attention to how I was spending so much of my most valuable asset and I made a very heavy realization: I was wasting it. I caught myself very often doom scrolling on my phone (which can add up to HOURS of your day), getting sucked into viral videos and every evening after the kids went to bed, I stayed up far too late watching TV. I've been known to work too long on my laptop, and spend too long talking on the phone. I would get caught up in a cleaning frenzy and I'd tell my kids "I'll be there in a minute."

Does any of this sound familiar?

So, I asked myself what I wanted to be doing with my time instead? I wanted to spend more time with my kids. I wanted a clean house. I wanted to read. I wanted to exercise. I wanted to write. I wanted to stay on top of my work. I wanted to be able to do it all. I embarked on a journey to find my capacity for genuine balance. What if I could spend time with my kids and also have a clean house? What if could read and exercise? What if I could spend my time doing the things I wanted (and needed), and didn't have to sacrifice too much for it?

I started incorporating my kids into our dinner routine. They help me cook, they help me do dishes after we all eat together. "Hey guys, can you come help mommy with this?" And let me tell you, children LOVE having your complete attention even if it means doing a little work. I felt guilty for all the time I've spent staring at phone rather than spending that time giving them my attention instead. After they go to bed, I have some days for exercise and reading before bed, some days are for writing or catching up on work, and some nights I still make time to catch my favorite shows. Electronics aren't the root of all evil, but having balance matters. It's very easy to get sucked into lifestyles that promote unhealthy balances.

When you start paying attention to how you spend your time, you can make the most use of it. I've gotten to a point where I start utilizing my time in the most intentional ways. But that's the key to it: intentionality. Make a point within yourself to identify what you actually need and want to spend time on. Do you actually NEED to have your laptop on right now? Do you genuinely want to be lurking social media or is it just a habit? Does that plate have to be washed right this second or can it wait until after you look at your child's art work from school?

I didn't want to spend my time doom scrolling, it was just easy to fill my time that way. And before I knew it, hours had gone by and I felt like my time was wasted. That feeling of wasting time is the worst, in my opinion. Work will always be there, long after the kids have gone to bed. Hell, long after they've grown up and left the house, I won't miss that by spending more time than needed answering emails. Dishes can stack to the ceiling if it means I have time to play a board time with my babies.

I feel better about my days when I fill them with things that I am actually interested in or things I believe further develop my life. And when you feel good about how you spend your day, you feel good about how you spend your week, and spend your month, and your years. By the end of it, I'm hoping to feel good about how I spent my entire life, knowing every moment was lived presently and with purpose.